I don't see my mother often, because we have lived in different countries for almost 4 years now.
Yet, I met her not so long ago back in my hometown and during the meeting I discovered - or to be more precise - rediscovered something: My mother is my Inner Critic.
The voice of my mother is the voice of my Inner Critic.
You know, the one that tells you that you're not going to make it.
Because you're not smart enough, not pretty enough or simply that it was a stupid idea in the first place, because everyone knows it's impossible.
Do you have such a voice inside your head?
I know it only too well.
It has been a ruthless companion of mine for decades and it took me quite some inner work to realize:
I don't have to fight it and I don't need to win against it.
The only thing to “do" here is to befriend it.
To listen to it - to listen to what it has to tell me.
To acknowledge its existence.
It just wants to be seen and heard - like we all do.
It is an integral part of me.
A part that wants to keep me safe.
And it can keep me safe by keeping me small.
By preventing me from taking on any task that is a tiny little bit challenging, a tiny little bit beyond my comfort zone.
"Don't even think about it."
"There's no use trying - it's too hard."
"It's impossible."
"Noone has ever done it."
Re-realizing this truth for myself reminded me - again - to not believe my own thoughts.
Because they are often internalized voices from my childhood.
Like my mother's voice.
But I am a grown-up now.
I have worked a lot on my inner peace.
Whenever I feel powerless, helpless or small, let me remind myself that these thoughts are just thoughts.
I do not have to believe them.
I am not them.
I can always agree or disagree with them.
Or simply let them be.
It is up to me now.
And that's immensely liberating.
P.S. Thank you Mom, for trying to keep me safe.
I love you.
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